stinky socks. sweat-stained sauna boards. foot fungus. rental lockers. mirrors on every wall. gang showers. ah the gym.

i must say that the gang showers is odd but makes sense as far as room goes. i wonder if the women's locker room is the same? i imagine so.

here is a question: what is the sanitary situation in a gym sauna? i think back to millberry and all the funky people not sitting on towels, laying down on the benches and showing way too much flesh for my liking. then i look at the tech gym and see the same thing - not enough towel coverage (if any), dilapidated and super-saturated wood, too much flesh. yet i still go in and still sit there for 15 minutes avoiding eye contact, fearful that simply turning my head or shifting my glance will afford an eyeful of undesirables. but of course my first day in the sauna i had a strange experience.

i had been in, alone, for about two minutes, slowly pouring water on the rocks to heat it up when the door flies open and a naked old dude literally jumps into the sauna and brushes against me as he enters (although i am not sure what a good floor plan might entail, having the heating system next to the door seems unwise). as surprised as me, he plops down (totally towel-less) and i go back to pouring water on the rocks. i sit down (towel still wrapped around my waist) and glance over to my neighbor a few feet away. he smiles and i turn back to stare at the wall in front of me.

and that is when the questions begin. am i a student? what do i study? not sure what compels me in these situations, but i started making up lies. undergraduate student in human nutrition foods and exercise i reply. 34 years of age. i took some time off from school to raise my two children while my ex-wife worked. we lived in colorado. never taking my eyes off the wall, i spout pure bullshit for about 5 minutes until the guy finally runs out of questions. he has asked me if i know x professor or y class and i tell him no, i am new. weird.

one thing i noticed when karla was in town is that you never really learn about your own country until you try taking a foreigner around. why is the white house called that? why does everyone drive new cars? how old is the highway system (i had a fairly good answer to that - built for military reasons, extensively expanded after wwii when the country was concerned with transporting troops and weapons across the country)? how many people live in dc? why was the mall in dc built? why are there so many traffic circles in dc? why doesn't the smithsonian run all of the museums on the mall? how much money do we spend on the space program? why do we have so many rockets? did i see that person on the roof of the white house with a rifle? why is the us modeled after italian and danish architecture and not spanish like the rest of the colonies on the this continent?

good citizen that i am, i made up a bunch of lies for half of the stuff. some of it looked up on the internet on my phone.

having the map and gps function on my phone is unbelievable. we never got really lost no matter where we were in dc or new york and were able to make our way to any landmark, restaurant, apartment with barely any mistakes. we located the closest metro stops and figured out the direction to go in in a matter of seconds. phenomenal. and it looks better than sitting there with a huge map unfolded in front of you and flapping in the arctic breeze of the northeast.

i am continuing to learn just how surly i am. while shopping with karla i made the startling discovery that people are always asking for area codes, phone numbers and zip codes when you make purchases. typical situation;

them: ok, sir, that will be 10 dollars. what is your zip code?
me: no
them: oh sorry, we just need your zip code.
me (still having a conversation in spanish with karla): you dont need my zip code.
them (awkward silence while looking at me): so....
me: what is your zip code?
them: what?
me: do i need to sign the receipt? no? thanks.

what kind of crap is that? you dont need my zip code. of course the first time i just asked why they wanted it. they told me. i then told them they did not need it. strange the look on people's faces when you deviate slightly from the "normal" order of things. it makes me think of why "abnormal" and "crazy" people receive such titles. they do not follow the social norms. of course those norms are not laws (always) but tacit agreements.

on that note, i was in a bowling tournament last night. it was lawyers, judges, cops and court employees mixed together in teams of four (i was an employee of jackson, jackson and jackson law associates for the evening- ok, so there is only one jackson, but i think adding the other two jacksons makes it sound more prestigious). anyway, it was lots of fun. each team of four had to reach 440 combined in the first game to move on to the second round. about 20 teams began; twenty minutes later only four teams remained. yes, we suck. i reached scored 111, one more than the minimum needed by each contestant to gain 440- i know you all needed that quick math- but none of my teammates did. we got a 416. busted. the cops, mainly state troopers, were cracking me up. crew cuts. they loved my long hair and beard - behind while i was bowling i often heard words like "artist" bandied about, but when i scored a strike or spare, they were all quite nice and congratulatory. true, i was the only guy there with long hair, but after they realized i was not a potential perp, we all got along swimmingly.

classes start next week. i am taking 15 graduate credits and a 3 credit french class. i have 3 grad classes on one day, tuesday, starting at 1230 and ending at 9pm with about 2 hours of breaks in between. that which does not kill me