abundant. that was how my student this morning described my beard. unprompted, unsolicited but amusing. she just saw me and said, ¨william, your beard is (pause) abundant.¨ i applauded her on the use of the word.

then she said: ¨but i don't like it.¨ crestfallen, as you might imagine, i smiled magnanimously and told her that she was not alone in her feelings of aversion toward what i consider not only a simple act of laziness (i hate shaving) but also a symbolic gesture. it is (was) winter. humans grow beards for a reason. winter is cold. hence, perhaps the reason humans grow beards is to protect from this chill. i am simply hearkening back to a time before patagonia jackets and north face caps.

she was quickly joined by a few other (female) voices explaining to me the error of my ways.

¨you would look better without it¨
¨it makes you look old¨
¨why do you want to look like that?¨

undeterred, i responded that it pleased me. and at once i felt like charlie kane responding to susan's insistance that she stunk at singing and did not understand why she had to continue.

what does not please me, however, is blowing my nose with said beard. if you have never had a beard, or mustache at least, then let me fill you in on some finer aspects. first, you the hair is a literal barrier to the skin of the lips. this is obvious, but the implications are important. when you blow your nose, a seal is created, otherwise snot goes everywhere. well, this is seal is impossible with a mustache, so inevitably you fail to catch all the mucus in the tissue. which leads to having to blow your nose and then wipe the stache. no one likes that. certainly no one else wants to have to see it. unpleasantness ensues.

my friend from texas, happy remember the alamo day by the way (timmay we will have to talk about history from a mexi view one day), gave me his opinion of the beard last night. he said that the beard, combined with the longish hair, gave me that certain je ne sais quoi. actually, that is not true. he knew exactly what it gave me.

¨you look like a redneck.¨

now we're getting somewhere.