freezing. it is.

last night and the night before it was in the 30´s. keep in mind we are describing a country that has almost no indoor heating. people, literally, die when it gets this cold (it is even colder in the mountains) because their homes are not insulated and rely on wood heat to survive (not to mention poor ventilation so that when they do have wood for a fire, the smoke suffocates them).

i am not in this situation. i have blankets and long underwear, so i survive. but, i have been tempted in the last few days to buy a space heater. 8 months out of the year it is useless and would just sit in my house (this is not a grand house. nor a spacious house. nor, indeed, a house. it is a tiny apt without closets, so everything you have is open and out there). my reason for not buying is not so much tied up in this. part of it is the feeling that i can survive this without a heater. part is knowing that in a few days this cold front will push through and i wont freeze at night. part is being a cheapskate. some things never change.

trying to justify this type of purchase seems ludicrous at times. those times are not 540am when i am in the bathroom and the wind comes through the slats in the closed window (the bathroom window is like the windows at beach and lake houses that have little glass panes that ¨close¨ with a lever on the side. ya. they ain´t stopping anything) and the hot water heater is not functioning well and i am feeling the breeze so to speak. at those times, i desperately wish i had already bought the damn heater.

then the afternoon comes, or i am at a friend´s house, who is the same boat, and i imagine making my argument for needing a heater. then i sound stupid. then i feel like a nancy, a sally, a child. no no i tell myself. none of that soft shit. you survived worse. you will get past this minor setback.

this is, for all intents and purposes, machismo. the machista spirit.

i also tell myself one other important thing. cold weather means growing season is fast coming upon us. i am excited for the beard.

yesterday was my sister´s birthday, and oddly enough, she was in a dream i had last night. happy birthday cline!