i begin with a riddle, albeit a simple (not in the easy sense, but in the, ¨man, that was kind of dumb¨ sense) riddle, ´tis a riddle nonetheless. what has 46 legs, can survive surface-of-the-sun type temperatures and consumes candy at an alarming rate? well, if you guessed the collective body of my students, you win a prize. of course by prize i mean the fleeting feeling of superiority that can only be achieved by such mind-mazes. in other words, you win nothing tangible.

so i just finished grading my exams. disappointed would imply i had high expectations, and as the top of the webpage i am typing into reminds me, i must lower those. pride, in the end, really only gets in the way. so what happens when a large percentage of your students fail? you look to those two students, one from each class, that missed less than 2 points of 46 and 56 respectively, and thank their previous teachers. you also think to yourself: man, am i glad i have no real training for this! if so, i might think of myself as a failure. but not me. i look to silver linings, barrels of monkeys, carney rides and remember it is always darkest before the dawn (unless, of course, the moon rises at around 3am, which would make those few moments before the moon´s glow(or again, the reflection of the sun off the moon´s surface because doesn´t ¨glow¨ imply that the light comes from within the object, and we certainly cannot believe that there is any type of light source within the moon(this would mean that something put that light source there possibly or indeed, that after all there is a man in the moon)) crests over the horizon of the earth the darkest period of the night. although if you really wanted to get technical, all points after sunset are ¨before the dawn¨ so really this catchy little phrase makes no sense at all. right?) and my particular dawn comes later this summer when i catch the bus out of this hole. i have not exactly ¨given up¨because i am not sure i have anything to give up. the vast majority of my students see english as a requirement to graduate and nothing more. they could care less. the administration follows along with them, or rather sets the tone for this model behavior, so why get up in arms about it? so i dont. if this, teaching efl, were my life goal, ok, ya, time to get a grip.

let´s take hulia´s job for example at jetblue. a plane is late, or is missing its passengers, or does not have enough flight attendants, or just decides not to function that day, does jules freak out and go postal (my apologies to any of our brothers and sisters in the armed forces, i mean, postal service)? of course not. she goes and gets in her tricked-out ride and cruises down to the costco for a 1.50 dog and coke. or to the in-n-out. whatever. my point is that julia lets it roll. and why? because in the end she knows she has something bigger in life. that twinkle in her eye that so many have confused, and sometimes still do, or so i hear, for a slight attraction. the screensaver to her mental computer that switches on when the rest of the world quits messing with her for five minutes (i know, that one was pretty weak). that´s right, that future that no one, save a bum knee(and that ain´t a ¨someone¨ unless we are personifying body parts here), can take away from her: professional snowboarding. and once she can find a way to ditch those s.f. fools that are holding her down and get up to tahoe for a full six month season, she knows the rest of the world is on hold. a hazy (possibly prescrition drug-induced) dream where she goes to work and schedules planes and flights and yells at people if they aren´t ¨blue¨enough. that´s it. she saves lives and goes home to relax with her family and think about how much she misses keith and will- the only crackers that may have truly inspired her to dream big. ok. mainly just will. but keith is white and was there, so i threw him in.

and that is what i do. well, except for all that stuff about, you know, what she does (let´s also keep in mind julia has never actually told me her job role at jetblue so this was kind of what i think she does---yes that was a backhanded apology for using your life(although since i made it up i dont think that counts) as some sort of grand analogy, juan-gon). i let it slide. flunky students? hey, i am going to the beach! and the world turns.

my friend gave a listening exam yesterday to her kids. one of the answers(these are multiple-guess mind you) said that dolphins have ¨salt water blood.¨ 40% chose this answer. this is level 4. the second highest level. salt (sal). water (agua). blood (sangre).

so my students are failing. the important thing to ask is: but will, how are you doing? and the answer my friends? fine as wine. life is good. even ifyou are one of those 46 legged creatures. you can fail english and it does nothing to your gpa. that´s right. we are a class, but not really because the scores are not recorded. they have to attend, unless they dont want to. they must pass, unless they decide against it. it all evens out.

well, it´s april, so you know what that means? yup, time to take my worm pills again. yippee! and i have to take them in conjunction with my roomate (they recommend the household take them at the same time). stop and consider this for second. yes, that is why. fantastic.

but you have to love a part of the world where personal modesty has really gone out the window. vile-smelling toilets with an oil drum full of rain water and bucket parked outside as the only manner of flushing possible for the hundreds of patrons that will be swimming in the natural spring(this is assuming that these people chose not to use the spring as their toilet)? par for the course. ok. i wont go into detail any more on this point. take my word for it.

and on that note, enjoy your weekend!