my time here might be coming to an end.

you read a sentence like that and i guess there are at least four or five ways to interpret it.
1. the person is melodramatic
2. the person is considering moving
3. the person is thinking about taking his or her own life
4. the person is from another planet and is considering going to another one
5. nothing: the word ¨might¨ implies that nothing at all will change.

i am certainly number 1. number 2, check. number 3? not this week. number 4? i still have my hopes. number 5? check and check.

i applied yesterday to another job down here. it is puerto angel about 4 hours from here. it is about an hour from huatulco, the mega-resort where i flew into last august. the university system, umar, is almost exactly like this one and basically has the same parent company. thus, the salary is about the same, the schedule is equal, etc.

after i sent in my app to puerto angel, i stumbled across another branch of umar in huatulco. so yes, i sent my cv there as well. the head lady there emailed me back and said she was sending my cv to all the campuses (umar essentially means university of the sea, so all campuses are on the coast).

this morning, i got another email. this one was from my boss nicole. it read: i am coming to ixtepec today and i want to talk with you. lucky me. is it my birthday? no, that´s right, she knew when my bday was in september and did not bother to say anything to me or to the other english profs in tehuantepec even though she knew damn well i was living alone in ixtepec. did i win the lottery? no, i don´t play. well, then, i thought it was pretty clear why shee wanted to speak with me.

but no, i did not win the ¨teacher of the year¨ award in the annual Istmus of Tehuantepec New Year´s Teacher Appreciation Week. In fact, there is no such week. you can imagine my surprise.

she had received an email from one of the ladies i had sent my cv to yesterday. my my, word travels fast in the land of no telephones.

she asked if i was unhappy (stifle that laughter) with the university. no, i was not. she asked if i was just a traveller who did not really care where i taught so much as long as it was different all the time (i, like you, sensed something deeper in this question). i let that one hang. giving her the same kind of awkward feeling i often have around her made me feel good. she explained that the vice-rector had instructed her (and, of course, this information was not to leave the room) not to hire people who wanted to use the university as a system through which to tour southern mexico. because in the back of every Lonely Planet the universidad del istmo is listed as the number one resource for travellers who want to teach in a no-strings, laid-back commune that stresses love and togetherness. plus large gates with armed guards and a nazi who works in a refrigerator and passes judgement on anyone who dares to read a book (yes, i have not forgotten about her). number two, of course, is eating rez de cabeza (oh yes, that is cow head) and spending a week or two in a run-down, government-sponsored clinic while the worms crawl around in your tum.

after giving one of my best, ¨it´s not you, it´s me¨ speeches about how i just wanted to test the water and see what the other universities had to offer, i ended with the always vague, ¨but i have made no decision yet, and depending on whether i am offered a job, i can let you know in the next two weeks whether or not i will be returning. but know that i am not unhappy here.¨

the look on her face was priceless. i finally had the opportunity to leave her as confused as i have been for the past four months (in terms of syllabus, standards, etc.). i loved it. she countered by telling me she would email the woman who emailed her and tell her that she was very happy with me and would thus appreciate it if the woman would not offer me a job so that i could stay in ixtepec.

witch.

but that is ok, bc i think that if, and that is a big¨IF¨i believe my boss about as much as i believe a mexican tour guide who tells me that all entrance fees to parks are included in the price of the tour package, she tells the other woman anything relatively positive i will get the job. why not be confident? what have i got to lose?

but doesn´t the idea of living at the beach sound great? who cares if the town is tiny(puerto angel is smaller than ixtepec and ¨supposedly¨offers less recreation (hello, there is an ocean 150 yars away)) and in the middle of nowhere? i think i know what that feels like already.

in the back of my mind nicole´s words do sting a bit. because of course she is right and i am just using this university system to travel and learn a language and culture. but come on, i think this getting used deal works both ways. and i could learn to surf and spanish? well well well.

but let us come back to the beginning. nothing is decided and no jobs have been offered. so my time here might be coming to an end. equally, it might not.