i found the very first thing i wrote when i got to tehuantepec the first night. this was about 11 days ago and amazed me because i was so down when i wrote it. things change quickly down here.
Ok. So I put up a strong front, and I guess that is all it is. Had I my druthers, I would be back home immediately. But then, where is home exactly? Madison? Not the for the last four years. Working for antney isn’t hell but it is not what i want to do with my life. Would I be content in Madison? How can I make that decision sitting here in faculty housing in tehauantepec, oaxaca, thousands of miles away from my old blue ridges. yet, when I look out the window, I see mountains, beautiful, green, rising. That is where I need to be: rising. Allowing myself to sink into an abyss would be rather easy and also rather ridiculous. I told myself, and everyone else, I would be gone for years. Come back in two days? Hell no. why would I when nothing as far as a career waits for me in va? dad sounds like he is done with the business. what, am i going to ask him to start back and teach me? what about the thousands i spent on my education to be where i am? give all that up?
Six months. About 180 days. Then what? Will I still want to be here? Maybe not. So where to next?
The plain ride in to mexico d.f. was amazing. How can a city stretch for so many miles?
A large part of me wants to weep and quit. But where would that get me but wet, more dehydrated and broke? Keep going
4 comments:
You know who gave me the address for this site - hope you do not mind. The fact that you are there with so much to survive (language, food, weather, customs, distance from home, accomodations), much less learn, absorb and teach, is, in my humble opinion, a testament to your ability to deal with the unknown and wait for what is yet to unfold. Sometimes just holding still and "waiting for it" is the hardest thing to do (at least for me). I am impressed beyond words with your determination in the face of overwhelming newness. You are probably my new hero :) Anything you need and I can provide, just say so.
thank you blair, i really appreciate your kind words. each evening when i sit on the bus next to possible future students and realize i can barely make out their conversations, i get a little nervous. at night the walls get a little close sometimes, but then in the morning i realize that the new day will only help me feel more comfortable. strange that there are so many ups and downs each day, but so it goes.
and by the way, you are more than welcome to view these posts and please, comment away!
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