wow. i feel like i need to sleep for a week. but, as my next trip leaves in five days (just got home last night around 1am), that won't be happening.
suffice it say, the trip was phenomenal. i will be posting pics on here shortly, but feel free to email me if you want to me send you a link to a larger set.
hope the summer is treating you all well and will try to write more on here soon.
however, for fun, here is a list of uses for men (now that scientists can "grow" synthetic sperm, we males still are good for a few things. 101 things perhaps).
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article6669807.ece
09 July 2009
23 June 2009
these last few months have been flippin awesome, so it is sad that i have not written. i am contemplating getting internet at my house, so that may allow me to write more on here. or search for pointless information and watch old episodes of "mask" (a rockin cartoon from the 80's). by the way, if you have never seen these remakes of the gi joe public service announcements, good lord, check them out now. the consensus so far is that boys find them much funnier than girls, but i recommend them to both.
http://www.fenslerfilm.com/PSAS.htm
on other notes, i scored a job for the summer going on tours of europe. my first trip is about 12 days, and we hit london, paris, florence and rome. the second is about 21 days and covers a bunch of cities in france, switzerland, germany, austria and the czech republic. i am the "program director" in charge of academic stuff (there are 60 students on my first trip and 30 on the second). as i have never been to europe, i am incredibly stoked to have someone else pay my way and pay me on top of it. the work will be hard with long hours, but damn, i'll be in europe. rock and roll.
i also had two papers accepted to conferences for this fall, so after a full year in grad school without presenting a thing, i have two before the end of the year. pretty groovy.
also, i finally got funding! yay, no more paying for grad school. happy happy joy joy.
well, i am sure there will be tons of pics from europe (i think they are giving us two cameras to take with us for photos), so i will post them when i get back from each trip.
hope the rest of you are having a rockin summer.
http://www.fenslerfilm.com/PSAS.htm
on other notes, i scored a job for the summer going on tours of europe. my first trip is about 12 days, and we hit london, paris, florence and rome. the second is about 21 days and covers a bunch of cities in france, switzerland, germany, austria and the czech republic. i am the "program director" in charge of academic stuff (there are 60 students on my first trip and 30 on the second). as i have never been to europe, i am incredibly stoked to have someone else pay my way and pay me on top of it. the work will be hard with long hours, but damn, i'll be in europe. rock and roll.
i also had two papers accepted to conferences for this fall, so after a full year in grad school without presenting a thing, i have two before the end of the year. pretty groovy.
also, i finally got funding! yay, no more paying for grad school. happy happy joy joy.
well, i am sure there will be tons of pics from europe (i think they are giving us two cameras to take with us for photos), so i will post them when i get back from each trip.
hope the rest of you are having a rockin summer.
27 May 2009
this from a syllabus of a course i might take this fall:
AVOID NORMATIVE TALK; This is NOT a class where you are asked for your personal opinion, feelings or beliefs. It does not value confessional or normative discourse but analytical understanding and argumentation. For affirmation go to church or a political rally or tune into your favorite television pundit. There is no place for such discourse or political/religious/nationalist
dogma in a university graduate level social science course.
i love it
AVOID NORMATIVE TALK; This is NOT a class where you are asked for your personal opinion, feelings or beliefs. It does not value confessional or normative discourse but analytical understanding and argumentation. For affirmation go to church or a political rally or tune into your favorite television pundit. There is no place for such discourse or political/religious/nationalist
dogma in a university graduate level social science course.
i love it
25 March 2009
while looking for an itinerary template this morning (i realized my own attempt is woefully inadequate), i came across this template. that there is a template for this on the microsoft website was a bit odd. that over 22,000 people had looked for it, found it suited their needs, then downloaded it also seemed somewhat strange. way to go gates.
20 March 2009
here is an overview of some of my current job duties. not exactly as advertised, but amusing nonetheless.
• Schedule international flights
• Negotiate with hotels and apartment complexes for short-stay housing (tons o fun)
• Campus tour guide
• Driver (pick up, shuttle)
• Liaison for foreign professors, visitors
• Make introductions (to people I have never met nor know anything about)
• Direct the conversation when necessary (especially when local representative is hostile to foreign ideas)
• Create, schedule, execute itineraries with department heads, local corporate executives
• Take blame for being late, unprepared when trouble arises
• Participate in meetings well above my pay grade (program directors, department heads) and contribute in (vaguely) meaningful way
• Help visitors decompress after 5 hours of meetings (see campus tour guide, walking through campus)
• Help foreign students prepare US tax returns
• Seek internships for summer positions for foreign students (only later to learn that this is not allowed through scholarship program and a week of phone calls, emails and job searching could have been avoided if only I had been informed of this)
• “Cold call” potential partners for future partnerships (multicultural projects with our exchange students, internship possibilities, setting up meetings between foreign visitors and local executives and academics bigwigs who often have no idea why they should actually meet each other)
• Navigate US State Dept. website (a task in itself), e-mail questions that never get answered
• Co-author a journal article in field only tangentially related to my own
• Research for said journal article
• Read numerous journal papers in related fields to prepare for writing an article I would be thoroughly unprepared to write (although I enjoy reading, the 600-800 pages a week for my ma program is more than enough that I do not relish the idea of reading another 100 or so a week in a field that, actually, proposes to measure learning (quantitatively and qualitatively) in a way that I specifically decry in my own philosophy papers)
• Write a conference proposal for above journal article (10 days notice before deadline)
• Listen to streaming, vague, disconnected ideas about upper management’s goals for current programs and then create coherent questions other than, “so what do you want me to do?”
• Find new, inoffensive ways to ask: “what am I supposed to do with this information?” or “so, could you repeat that in the form of a task or coherent sentence through which I can plan a course of action?”
• Help exchange students write résumés
• Help exchange students write cover letters
• Help students get notarized copies of all their documents
• Coordinate Visa information for teachers visiting university in one month with US State Dept (zero fun, in case you had any doubts)
• Learn to accept “attitude” from public servants whom I will never meet and, justifiably so, have little patience with someone learning the process
Endure occasional mocking when one of the above is not executed in manner desired by upper management
• Schedule international flights
• Negotiate with hotels and apartment complexes for short-stay housing (tons o fun)
• Campus tour guide
• Driver (pick up, shuttle)
• Liaison for foreign professors, visitors
• Make introductions (to people I have never met nor know anything about)
• Direct the conversation when necessary (especially when local representative is hostile to foreign ideas)
• Create, schedule, execute itineraries with department heads, local corporate executives
• Take blame for being late, unprepared when trouble arises
• Participate in meetings well above my pay grade (program directors, department heads) and contribute in (vaguely) meaningful way
• Help visitors decompress after 5 hours of meetings (see campus tour guide, walking through campus)
• Help foreign students prepare US tax returns
• Seek internships for summer positions for foreign students (only later to learn that this is not allowed through scholarship program and a week of phone calls, emails and job searching could have been avoided if only I had been informed of this)
• “Cold call” potential partners for future partnerships (multicultural projects with our exchange students, internship possibilities, setting up meetings between foreign visitors and local executives and academics bigwigs who often have no idea why they should actually meet each other)
• Navigate US State Dept. website (a task in itself), e-mail questions that never get answered
• Co-author a journal article in field only tangentially related to my own
• Research for said journal article
• Read numerous journal papers in related fields to prepare for writing an article I would be thoroughly unprepared to write (although I enjoy reading, the 600-800 pages a week for my ma program is more than enough that I do not relish the idea of reading another 100 or so a week in a field that, actually, proposes to measure learning (quantitatively and qualitatively) in a way that I specifically decry in my own philosophy papers)
• Write a conference proposal for above journal article (10 days notice before deadline)
• Listen to streaming, vague, disconnected ideas about upper management’s goals for current programs and then create coherent questions other than, “so what do you want me to do?”
• Find new, inoffensive ways to ask: “what am I supposed to do with this information?” or “so, could you repeat that in the form of a task or coherent sentence through which I can plan a course of action?”
• Help exchange students write résumés
• Help exchange students write cover letters
• Help students get notarized copies of all their documents
• Coordinate Visa information for teachers visiting university in one month with US State Dept (zero fun, in case you had any doubts)
• Learn to accept “attitude” from public servants whom I will never meet and, justifiably so, have little patience with someone learning the process
Endure occasional mocking when one of the above is not executed in manner desired by upper management
23 January 2009
skip this post if you prefer not to read about gore and violence.
the glc. graduate life center. this is a building on campus that has conference rooms, a larger venue for big meetings, a coffee shop, a theater and stage, a tv room and adjacent study room, and then on the upper floors grad student dorm rooms. i study at this place sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. over breaks, when most students leave, the building is locked (access is gained only if you are a current grad student -key card access), but i always go there because it is quite and there are couches and comfortable places to read.
then a fellow grad student decapitated another grad student at the glc less than two days ago. with a kitchen knife.
i am not sure what to say about it. i did not know either person but the building itself is very familiar and i can easily visualize the exact location although imagining someone using a kitchen knife to cut off someone's head is horrifying.
according to an affidavit filed with police, the killer was easily identified- smeared with blood, he was holding her severed head by the hair when the police arrived. i mean, what the fuck? seriously?
i am not recounting these events to make anyone sick.
i have not gone back to the glc since (i skipped a student government meeting there last night).
i was not here on april 16th, 2007. almost everyone i know here has some link to that day however. for me, it was never quite real because i only read about it from another country. these two events are rather distinct and in no way am i tying them together. instead, i am shocked that this kind of thing would happen on a campus where i go to school. in a building where i spend a lot of time. at no time have i ever felt threatened living in blacksburg, whether from undergrad days or now. i still do not. yet, there is something chilling about this situation. not sure what to make of it.
the glc. graduate life center. this is a building on campus that has conference rooms, a larger venue for big meetings, a coffee shop, a theater and stage, a tv room and adjacent study room, and then on the upper floors grad student dorm rooms. i study at this place sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. over breaks, when most students leave, the building is locked (access is gained only if you are a current grad student -key card access), but i always go there because it is quite and there are couches and comfortable places to read.
then a fellow grad student decapitated another grad student at the glc less than two days ago. with a kitchen knife.
i am not sure what to say about it. i did not know either person but the building itself is very familiar and i can easily visualize the exact location although imagining someone using a kitchen knife to cut off someone's head is horrifying.
according to an affidavit filed with police, the killer was easily identified- smeared with blood, he was holding her severed head by the hair when the police arrived. i mean, what the fuck? seriously?
i am not recounting these events to make anyone sick.
i have not gone back to the glc since (i skipped a student government meeting there last night).
i was not here on april 16th, 2007. almost everyone i know here has some link to that day however. for me, it was never quite real because i only read about it from another country. these two events are rather distinct and in no way am i tying them together. instead, i am shocked that this kind of thing would happen on a campus where i go to school. in a building where i spend a lot of time. at no time have i ever felt threatened living in blacksburg, whether from undergrad days or now. i still do not. yet, there is something chilling about this situation. not sure what to make of it.
16 January 2009
stinky socks. sweat-stained sauna boards. foot fungus. rental lockers. mirrors on every wall. gang showers. ah the gym.
i must say that the gang showers is odd but makes sense as far as room goes. i wonder if the women's locker room is the same? i imagine so.
here is a question: what is the sanitary situation in a gym sauna? i think back to millberry and all the funky people not sitting on towels, laying down on the benches and showing way too much flesh for my liking. then i look at the tech gym and see the same thing - not enough towel coverage (if any), dilapidated and super-saturated wood, too much flesh. yet i still go in and still sit there for 15 minutes avoiding eye contact, fearful that simply turning my head or shifting my glance will afford an eyeful of undesirables. but of course my first day in the sauna i had a strange experience.
i had been in, alone, for about two minutes, slowly pouring water on the rocks to heat it up when the door flies open and a naked old dude literally jumps into the sauna and brushes against me as he enters (although i am not sure what a good floor plan might entail, having the heating system next to the door seems unwise). as surprised as me, he plops down (totally towel-less) and i go back to pouring water on the rocks. i sit down (towel still wrapped around my waist) and glance over to my neighbor a few feet away. he smiles and i turn back to stare at the wall in front of me.
and that is when the questions begin. am i a student? what do i study? not sure what compels me in these situations, but i started making up lies. undergraduate student in human nutrition foods and exercise i reply. 34 years of age. i took some time off from school to raise my two children while my ex-wife worked. we lived in colorado. never taking my eyes off the wall, i spout pure bullshit for about 5 minutes until the guy finally runs out of questions. he has asked me if i know x professor or y class and i tell him no, i am new. weird.
one thing i noticed when karla was in town is that you never really learn about your own country until you try taking a foreigner around. why is the white house called that? why does everyone drive new cars? how old is the highway system (i had a fairly good answer to that - built for military reasons, extensively expanded after wwii when the country was concerned with transporting troops and weapons across the country)? how many people live in dc? why was the mall in dc built? why are there so many traffic circles in dc? why doesn't the smithsonian run all of the museums on the mall? how much money do we spend on the space program? why do we have so many rockets? did i see that person on the roof of the white house with a rifle? why is the us modeled after italian and danish architecture and not spanish like the rest of the colonies on the this continent?
good citizen that i am, i made up a bunch of lies for half of the stuff. some of it looked up on the internet on my phone.
having the map and gps function on my phone is unbelievable. we never got really lost no matter where we were in dc or new york and were able to make our way to any landmark, restaurant, apartment with barely any mistakes. we located the closest metro stops and figured out the direction to go in in a matter of seconds. phenomenal. and it looks better than sitting there with a huge map unfolded in front of you and flapping in the arctic breeze of the northeast.
i am continuing to learn just how surly i am. while shopping with karla i made the startling discovery that people are always asking for area codes, phone numbers and zip codes when you make purchases. typical situation;
them: ok, sir, that will be 10 dollars. what is your zip code?
me: no
them: oh sorry, we just need your zip code.
me (still having a conversation in spanish with karla): you dont need my zip code.
them (awkward silence while looking at me): so....
me: what is your zip code?
them: what?
me: do i need to sign the receipt? no? thanks.
what kind of crap is that? you dont need my zip code. of course the first time i just asked why they wanted it. they told me. i then told them they did not need it. strange the look on people's faces when you deviate slightly from the "normal" order of things. it makes me think of why "abnormal" and "crazy" people receive such titles. they do not follow the social norms. of course those norms are not laws (always) but tacit agreements.
on that note, i was in a bowling tournament last night. it was lawyers, judges, cops and court employees mixed together in teams of four (i was an employee of jackson, jackson and jackson law associates for the evening- ok, so there is only one jackson, but i think adding the other two jacksons makes it sound more prestigious). anyway, it was lots of fun. each team of four had to reach 440 combined in the first game to move on to the second round. about 20 teams began; twenty minutes later only four teams remained. yes, we suck. i reached scored 111, one more than the minimum needed by each contestant to gain 440- i know you all needed that quick math- but none of my teammates did. we got a 416. busted. the cops, mainly state troopers, were cracking me up. crew cuts. they loved my long hair and beard - behind while i was bowling i often heard words like "artist" bandied about, but when i scored a strike or spare, they were all quite nice and congratulatory. true, i was the only guy there with long hair, but after they realized i was not a potential perp, we all got along swimmingly.
classes start next week. i am taking 15 graduate credits and a 3 credit french class. i have 3 grad classes on one day, tuesday, starting at 1230 and ending at 9pm with about 2 hours of breaks in between. that which does not kill me
i must say that the gang showers is odd but makes sense as far as room goes. i wonder if the women's locker room is the same? i imagine so.
here is a question: what is the sanitary situation in a gym sauna? i think back to millberry and all the funky people not sitting on towels, laying down on the benches and showing way too much flesh for my liking. then i look at the tech gym and see the same thing - not enough towel coverage (if any), dilapidated and super-saturated wood, too much flesh. yet i still go in and still sit there for 15 minutes avoiding eye contact, fearful that simply turning my head or shifting my glance will afford an eyeful of undesirables. but of course my first day in the sauna i had a strange experience.
i had been in, alone, for about two minutes, slowly pouring water on the rocks to heat it up when the door flies open and a naked old dude literally jumps into the sauna and brushes against me as he enters (although i am not sure what a good floor plan might entail, having the heating system next to the door seems unwise). as surprised as me, he plops down (totally towel-less) and i go back to pouring water on the rocks. i sit down (towel still wrapped around my waist) and glance over to my neighbor a few feet away. he smiles and i turn back to stare at the wall in front of me.
and that is when the questions begin. am i a student? what do i study? not sure what compels me in these situations, but i started making up lies. undergraduate student in human nutrition foods and exercise i reply. 34 years of age. i took some time off from school to raise my two children while my ex-wife worked. we lived in colorado. never taking my eyes off the wall, i spout pure bullshit for about 5 minutes until the guy finally runs out of questions. he has asked me if i know x professor or y class and i tell him no, i am new. weird.
one thing i noticed when karla was in town is that you never really learn about your own country until you try taking a foreigner around. why is the white house called that? why does everyone drive new cars? how old is the highway system (i had a fairly good answer to that - built for military reasons, extensively expanded after wwii when the country was concerned with transporting troops and weapons across the country)? how many people live in dc? why was the mall in dc built? why are there so many traffic circles in dc? why doesn't the smithsonian run all of the museums on the mall? how much money do we spend on the space program? why do we have so many rockets? did i see that person on the roof of the white house with a rifle? why is the us modeled after italian and danish architecture and not spanish like the rest of the colonies on the this continent?
good citizen that i am, i made up a bunch of lies for half of the stuff. some of it looked up on the internet on my phone.
having the map and gps function on my phone is unbelievable. we never got really lost no matter where we were in dc or new york and were able to make our way to any landmark, restaurant, apartment with barely any mistakes. we located the closest metro stops and figured out the direction to go in in a matter of seconds. phenomenal. and it looks better than sitting there with a huge map unfolded in front of you and flapping in the arctic breeze of the northeast.
i am continuing to learn just how surly i am. while shopping with karla i made the startling discovery that people are always asking for area codes, phone numbers and zip codes when you make purchases. typical situation;
them: ok, sir, that will be 10 dollars. what is your zip code?
me: no
them: oh sorry, we just need your zip code.
me (still having a conversation in spanish with karla): you dont need my zip code.
them (awkward silence while looking at me): so....
me: what is your zip code?
them: what?
me: do i need to sign the receipt? no? thanks.
what kind of crap is that? you dont need my zip code. of course the first time i just asked why they wanted it. they told me. i then told them they did not need it. strange the look on people's faces when you deviate slightly from the "normal" order of things. it makes me think of why "abnormal" and "crazy" people receive such titles. they do not follow the social norms. of course those norms are not laws (always) but tacit agreements.
on that note, i was in a bowling tournament last night. it was lawyers, judges, cops and court employees mixed together in teams of four (i was an employee of jackson, jackson and jackson law associates for the evening- ok, so there is only one jackson, but i think adding the other two jacksons makes it sound more prestigious). anyway, it was lots of fun. each team of four had to reach 440 combined in the first game to move on to the second round. about 20 teams began; twenty minutes later only four teams remained. yes, we suck. i reached scored 111, one more than the minimum needed by each contestant to gain 440- i know you all needed that quick math- but none of my teammates did. we got a 416. busted. the cops, mainly state troopers, were cracking me up. crew cuts. they loved my long hair and beard - behind while i was bowling i often heard words like "artist" bandied about, but when i scored a strike or spare, they were all quite nice and congratulatory. true, i was the only guy there with long hair, but after they realized i was not a potential perp, we all got along swimmingly.
classes start next week. i am taking 15 graduate credits and a 3 credit french class. i have 3 grad classes on one day, tuesday, starting at 1230 and ending at 9pm with about 2 hours of breaks in between. that which does not kill me
04 December 2008
well well. peaches. i think it crossed my mind that it was you, but i dismissed it when i read about the four corners. millions of peaches. peaches for free. lookout.
on another completely unrelated note, i came across this passage in nietsche this morning and thought i would share:
The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
i like that idea but admit that its implications require an unwavering constitution the likes of which few possess.
is that really all i am going to write? a huevo.
on another completely unrelated note, i came across this passage in nietsche this morning and thought i would share:
The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
i like that idea but admit that its implications require an unwavering constitution the likes of which few possess.
is that really all i am going to write? a huevo.
10 November 2008
so i just read a comment left by an anonymous poster. i wish everyone would write a name or a clue as to their identity, but maybe it is easier not to say who you are. in any event, i think i have an idea who it might be. in response to the post - i hope you are right that being the one left behind is easier in the long run. the leaver definitely does regret, and it makes it hard for that person to then later reach out to the person left behind. that person made a huge impact in the life of the leaver, but it is true that the leaver feels guilt. guilt for leaving. guilt for not finding a better way. guilt for not doing everything possible.
i have long been of the opinion that you cannot take it with you. if one person needs to move, for school, job, etc., then asking the partner to go with you leads to immediate and long-term problems. when you go with someone, the semantics of it already points to a problem - the choice was not yours. you would not have left of your own accord. this could lead to problems if you are not happy in your new location and eventual resentment. what happens if that is not the final move? what if right when you get adjusted you have to move again? what if you are the one who decides to move: should the other go with you or stay to finish what was started?
clearly, this is a pessimistic view. every day people make these decisions. often they are happy. there are a hundred responses to my above claims, not the least being, if you really care about someone else, then it will work out somehow. that scares me a bit though bc it implies that one or both will become unhappy and then have to work through it. unfortunate for both sides really.
either way, going with or staying behind, the challenge is to deal with that new life which is created. the challenge for me has always been that no matter where i have lived, i have always sought some other view. true, i would love to be in the mountains again (sorry, va, these are more hills than mountains), but i know it will be at least 4 years until i have that opportunity again. and then i am already considering europe or south america or australia. and yes, i am selfish. if i were asked, after 4 years, to move to kansas to be with someone else, i would have to say no. i will compromise, but only on my conditions. i realize this sounds like a 12 year old, but it is who i am. maybe i will change in 4 years. maybe not
either way, i am glad for the person who responded. i think i know who you are, but even if i am wrong, i am glad to remember this person. and yes, i am still jealous of that ride snowboard.
i have long been of the opinion that you cannot take it with you. if one person needs to move, for school, job, etc., then asking the partner to go with you leads to immediate and long-term problems. when you go with someone, the semantics of it already points to a problem - the choice was not yours. you would not have left of your own accord. this could lead to problems if you are not happy in your new location and eventual resentment. what happens if that is not the final move? what if right when you get adjusted you have to move again? what if you are the one who decides to move: should the other go with you or stay to finish what was started?
clearly, this is a pessimistic view. every day people make these decisions. often they are happy. there are a hundred responses to my above claims, not the least being, if you really care about someone else, then it will work out somehow. that scares me a bit though bc it implies that one or both will become unhappy and then have to work through it. unfortunate for both sides really.
either way, going with or staying behind, the challenge is to deal with that new life which is created. the challenge for me has always been that no matter where i have lived, i have always sought some other view. true, i would love to be in the mountains again (sorry, va, these are more hills than mountains), but i know it will be at least 4 years until i have that opportunity again. and then i am already considering europe or south america or australia. and yes, i am selfish. if i were asked, after 4 years, to move to kansas to be with someone else, i would have to say no. i will compromise, but only on my conditions. i realize this sounds like a 12 year old, but it is who i am. maybe i will change in 4 years. maybe not
either way, i am glad for the person who responded. i think i know who you are, but even if i am wrong, i am glad to remember this person. and yes, i am still jealous of that ride snowboard.
29 September 2008
in my excitement at finding this glorious haven, i totally forgot my whole reason for wanting to write in the first place. these were the three quotes on my homepage today (if you do not have a igoogle home page, i suggest it as it is lots of fun and you can add anything (limited) that you want.)
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
- Oscar Levant
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
- Jerry Garcia
Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.
- Ernest Haskins
i think my favorite of the three is the jerry garcia line. if i could be in the white house today, i can imagine this idea going through bush's mind when considering the wall street issue (i wont use the "c" word because i think it plays into the false belief that wall st has somehow gotten itself into something it cannot get out of. bullshit. they need to suck it up.)
anywho, happy monday.
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
- Oscar Levant
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
- Jerry Garcia
Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.
- Ernest Haskins
i think my favorite of the three is the jerry garcia line. if i could be in the white house today, i can imagine this idea going through bush's mind when considering the wall street issue (i wont use the "c" word because i think it plays into the false belief that wall st has somehow gotten itself into something it cannot get out of. bullshit. they need to suck it up.)
anywho, happy monday.
ok, i have to write about something very funny. i just discovered that on the fourth floor of the library is a locked room only for grad students. you must have a student id to swipe at the door in order to get in. then, you can look, laugh and point at the "little" people who sit on the outside. with all their noise. and people walking. and books distracting them. we have lockers. of course i dont have a key to any of the locks, BUT, if i DID, well, then i would have a locker. in the library. i know. pretty fabulous.
i want to make it very clear that i am not for segregation. or putting some people above others. except in this case. and any other time that being over 30 is an advantage. yahtzee.
i want to make it very clear that i am not for segregation. or putting some people above others. except in this case. and any other time that being over 30 is an advantage. yahtzee.
did you know duke has a football team?
ok, before i get into jimza's comment, i have a funny story from french class. so the teacher asks - qui est-ce qui vous avez voir apres le cours. now, in spanish, b and v sound the same. so, i heard - qui est-ce qui vous avez boire apres le cours. boire means to drink. voir means to see. the second question makes no sense, but as i heard incorrectly, i thought she said "drink and after class," so i looked at the kid next to me who was obviously hung over and replied, "john va boire apres le cours." the teacher looked at me strangely until she got that i misunderstood the question. my answer to "who is going drinking after class?" was "john is going to drink after class." after explaining my mistake, the teacher and the rest of the class thought it was funny (read- i am stupid)
so jimmy d, p-bot, i definitely remember your pager. i also remember using your pager after it either stopped working or no one paid the bill. good times.
i also remember my first-year roommate stealing some dude's pager at a party. classy. also, said person was the first one i knew to own a cell phone. although, as his night shifts at wade's might not have paid the bill, i dont think he kept it long. of course, after he dropped out and remained living in my room for the next three months, he was definitely saving money (and let me tell you how much fun it was not to be able to lock my door for those three months because jackass, after dropping out of school, had to give his dorm key back, which made his comings and goings all the more obnoxious). ah, freshman year. your mention jammer of "upper quad" threw me for a second. did we know it as anything other than the ghetto? all the kids on the other side of campus called it bfe, but that is another story.
the lost boys. fidel da fish and the "burial at sea" after his untimely death where 'foul play was suspected.' how can i forget going into the bathroom late one night and seeing jesse's head sticking out from under the stall as i was myself using the urinal? dude, are you ok? to which no response meant i had to go down the hall to see "the lost boys" and inform them that one of their own needed removal before the ra, tyler i think he was, found him. i remember watching them drank the poor kid down the hall (i think it was by his feet, but i could be misremembering). i think the fourth floor of thomas saw about 20% of its residents move on to another year of school. the rest, like ol jesse, never made it back.
was the power plant that operated outside your (jimza) side of the hall a coal plant? i seem to remember you not being able to open the window.
jesse. i remember the night he entered thomas from the wrong side of the building and climbed into bed in your room because it was the third door down on the right from where he entered (the exact location of his room but the opposite of the hall). damn. how many stories do i have of jesse? and consider, these are the only stories i can actually put onto the internet (mainly bc they do not involve myself or any of those who might read this bad boy).
jim, you are a nice guy.
ok, before i get into jimza's comment, i have a funny story from french class. so the teacher asks - qui est-ce qui vous avez voir apres le cours. now, in spanish, b and v sound the same. so, i heard - qui est-ce qui vous avez boire apres le cours. boire means to drink. voir means to see. the second question makes no sense, but as i heard incorrectly, i thought she said "drink and after class," so i looked at the kid next to me who was obviously hung over and replied, "john va boire apres le cours." the teacher looked at me strangely until she got that i misunderstood the question. my answer to "who is going drinking after class?" was "john is going to drink after class." after explaining my mistake, the teacher and the rest of the class thought it was funny (read- i am stupid)
so jimmy d, p-bot, i definitely remember your pager. i also remember using your pager after it either stopped working or no one paid the bill. good times.
i also remember my first-year roommate stealing some dude's pager at a party. classy. also, said person was the first one i knew to own a cell phone. although, as his night shifts at wade's might not have paid the bill, i dont think he kept it long. of course, after he dropped out and remained living in my room for the next three months, he was definitely saving money (and let me tell you how much fun it was not to be able to lock my door for those three months because jackass, after dropping out of school, had to give his dorm key back, which made his comings and goings all the more obnoxious). ah, freshman year. your mention jammer of "upper quad" threw me for a second. did we know it as anything other than the ghetto? all the kids on the other side of campus called it bfe, but that is another story.
the lost boys. fidel da fish and the "burial at sea" after his untimely death where 'foul play was suspected.' how can i forget going into the bathroom late one night and seeing jesse's head sticking out from under the stall as i was myself using the urinal? dude, are you ok? to which no response meant i had to go down the hall to see "the lost boys" and inform them that one of their own needed removal before the ra, tyler i think he was, found him. i remember watching them drank the poor kid down the hall (i think it was by his feet, but i could be misremembering). i think the fourth floor of thomas saw about 20% of its residents move on to another year of school. the rest, like ol jesse, never made it back.
was the power plant that operated outside your (jimza) side of the hall a coal plant? i seem to remember you not being able to open the window.
jesse. i remember the night he entered thomas from the wrong side of the building and climbed into bed in your room because it was the third door down on the right from where he entered (the exact location of his room but the opposite of the hall). damn. how many stories do i have of jesse? and consider, these are the only stories i can actually put onto the internet (mainly bc they do not involve myself or any of those who might read this bad boy).
jim, you are a nice guy.
24 September 2008
when was the last time i updated?
ok, so i am back in school in the usa (anyone ever see the rodney dangerfield flick, i think it was called back to school?)
some lessons from school and working at a bar where 21 yr olds and even underagers like to hang out:
1. monday is a drinking night. so is tuesday, wednesday and every other day.
2. college kids are cheap as hell (we knew this one too)
3. no one does homework in undergrad classes (except me - rocking the 93 on my french exam). few do homework in grad classes
4. now that one of my grad classes is down to two people, we better do the reading.
5. walking down the sidewalk in a college town, after around 7pm, is hazardous - you might get hit by a car (evidenced by the two kids who were hit, at least one dead, about three weeks ago while walking home from the bar)
6. if you dont have an ipod, you are not as cool as you think you are.
7. no one drinks water, everyone drinks soda during the day.
8. short shorts and skirts are fashionable even when it is in the high 40's at night
9. a prom dress, cut off around mid thigh with a fat elastic band holding it to their legs is now fashionable for girls. sad really.
10. asking for the id of a woman in her thirties (in this town at least) will raise your tips by at least 30%
11. if you are a bit older (30, ahem), then customers who are also a bit older will tip you better if you talk to them. most college kids still dont tip bc they have no money (to which i can relate)
12. the percentage of people who consistently go out to bars, out of the total population of the school, is about 15%, e.g. you see the same damn people week in week out
13. redneck accents while speaking french are fucking HILARIOUS
14. 75% of people in philosophy would be considered dorks by 95% of the campus
15. we are all dorks in my program
16. except me (see 15)
17. working until midnight or so does not allow you to get bed by 1am after riding a bike home. you just cannot relax enough
18. working at a restaurant makes you stink of food.
19. not washing your work shirt enough can lead from no 18 to making your house stink of food too
20. when your over 60, retired, gregarious landlord is at the bar where you work more than you are (bc he tells you, "hey william, guess you didnt work ____ (fill in day,) i looked for you", give up trying simply to smile and wave when you leave the house in the morning. conversely, refusing a beer at 11am on a tuesday is also grounds for said landlord to eye you warily.
21. acting standoffish toward your extremely outgoing and talkative landlord at the beginning of your lease is something you will only forget to do once in your life.
22. the amount of spare time you have to write on your blog drops precipitously once you are in classes.
23. three grad classes is a full load. adding a language class to it is not recommended if you like to do things with your free time other than work or study.
24. you can no longer rent taps for kegs. you have to buy the damn thing (we bought a pony keg for our birthday dinner last weekend)
25. a pony keg of good beer is twice as much as twice as much natty lite. shocker
26. the first response to anyone who mentions an upcoming birthday is, "so, you going downtown?"
27. girls drink cheap, cheap beer just like guys.
28. skipping happy hour (which at most bars down here is four hours long every day) is like leaving your cell phone in your apt/dorm room. doesnt happen
29. not drinking soda at work (only water) makes other younger servers think you are "weird"
30. irresponsibility, when taken on a grand scale - say 70% of population- is not only disturbing but contagious.
hope one or two make you laugh.
cheers
ok, so i am back in school in the usa (anyone ever see the rodney dangerfield flick, i think it was called back to school?)
some lessons from school and working at a bar where 21 yr olds and even underagers like to hang out:
1. monday is a drinking night. so is tuesday, wednesday and every other day.
2. college kids are cheap as hell (we knew this one too)
3. no one does homework in undergrad classes (except me - rocking the 93 on my french exam). few do homework in grad classes
4. now that one of my grad classes is down to two people, we better do the reading.
5. walking down the sidewalk in a college town, after around 7pm, is hazardous - you might get hit by a car (evidenced by the two kids who were hit, at least one dead, about three weeks ago while walking home from the bar)
6. if you dont have an ipod, you are not as cool as you think you are.
7. no one drinks water, everyone drinks soda during the day.
8. short shorts and skirts are fashionable even when it is in the high 40's at night
9. a prom dress, cut off around mid thigh with a fat elastic band holding it to their legs is now fashionable for girls. sad really.
10. asking for the id of a woman in her thirties (in this town at least) will raise your tips by at least 30%
11. if you are a bit older (30, ahem), then customers who are also a bit older will tip you better if you talk to them. most college kids still dont tip bc they have no money (to which i can relate)
12. the percentage of people who consistently go out to bars, out of the total population of the school, is about 15%, e.g. you see the same damn people week in week out
13. redneck accents while speaking french are fucking HILARIOUS
14. 75% of people in philosophy would be considered dorks by 95% of the campus
15. we are all dorks in my program
16. except me (see 15)
17. working until midnight or so does not allow you to get bed by 1am after riding a bike home. you just cannot relax enough
18. working at a restaurant makes you stink of food.
19. not washing your work shirt enough can lead from no 18 to making your house stink of food too
20. when your over 60, retired, gregarious landlord is at the bar where you work more than you are (bc he tells you, "hey william, guess you didnt work ____ (fill in day,) i looked for you", give up trying simply to smile and wave when you leave the house in the morning. conversely, refusing a beer at 11am on a tuesday is also grounds for said landlord to eye you warily.
21. acting standoffish toward your extremely outgoing and talkative landlord at the beginning of your lease is something you will only forget to do once in your life.
22. the amount of spare time you have to write on your blog drops precipitously once you are in classes.
23. three grad classes is a full load. adding a language class to it is not recommended if you like to do things with your free time other than work or study.
24. you can no longer rent taps for kegs. you have to buy the damn thing (we bought a pony keg for our birthday dinner last weekend)
25. a pony keg of good beer is twice as much as twice as much natty lite. shocker
26. the first response to anyone who mentions an upcoming birthday is, "so, you going downtown?"
27. girls drink cheap, cheap beer just like guys.
28. skipping happy hour (which at most bars down here is four hours long every day) is like leaving your cell phone in your apt/dorm room. doesnt happen
29. not drinking soda at work (only water) makes other younger servers think you are "weird"
30. irresponsibility, when taken on a grand scale - say 70% of population- is not only disturbing but contagious.
hope one or two make you laugh.
cheers
25 August 2008
read two books this past week. one was a crime-fiction, well-schooled in murder by elizabeth george, that my sister gave me probably 12 or more years ago. found it in my room in madison. the writing is decent, not extraordinary, but with certain qualities that make it fun to read. the second, flags in the dust by william faulkner, is one of the more moving books i have read this year. dealing with the sartoris family in mississippi, as so many of his novels do, this one was not published until many years after it was written. his publishers claimed it was 3 or 4 novels without enough of a connection. if ever there was a reason not to listen to publishers and editors, this would be it. as far as a grand narrative spanning lifetimes and historical events, like a tolstoi novel perhaps, it has more of a collected short stories feel. four main story lines separated by characters but all have a bearing on another as in the end, they are all essentially family. beautifully written in faulkner's often dense and distracted prose (stream of consciousness thrown in at times), it foretells so well the coming of realismo magico or magical realism of a garcia marquez or alejo carpentier. the final 40 pages or so are densely pathetic, stirring emotion and announcing a finality through death and birth. the novel implies that no matter how hard one struggles against fate, there are certain people who are simply born into a pattern that they are doomed to fulfill. the female characters are somewhat exempt, but to them falls the difficulty of living with and outliving the arrogance, stubborness and finally tragic outcome. but is it tragedy if you seek it? although the story in many sense affirms the inability to evade fate, it clearly shows the fate as chosen as it is inevitable.
rare novels affect the reader for any appreciable time after the story ends. nevertheless this text has clearly driven the writing of a good friend of mine down in mexico (indeed he recommended it to me), and having read it i see his own work in a different light. as well, it is clear the effect that faulkner's writing had on garcia marquez and his stories cien anos de soledad y el general en su laberinto. helping my friend edit his text i have been struck by the difficulty of writing well. sounds obvious, but when you read a text so clearly and comprehensibly written that it seems easy, you thoughtlessly compare the writing of others to it and deprecatingly demarcate the failures. unfair really.
i am now about halfway through another book called "the once and future king". king arthur story but told from a rather different perspective. if you have the time, i highly recommend it (very easy read, probably intended for younger audiences in general) as it truly is fun to read.
rare novels affect the reader for any appreciable time after the story ends. nevertheless this text has clearly driven the writing of a good friend of mine down in mexico (indeed he recommended it to me), and having read it i see his own work in a different light. as well, it is clear the effect that faulkner's writing had on garcia marquez and his stories cien anos de soledad y el general en su laberinto. helping my friend edit his text i have been struck by the difficulty of writing well. sounds obvious, but when you read a text so clearly and comprehensibly written that it seems easy, you thoughtlessly compare the writing of others to it and deprecatingly demarcate the failures. unfair really.
i am now about halfway through another book called "the once and future king". king arthur story but told from a rather different perspective. if you have the time, i highly recommend it (very easy read, probably intended for younger audiences in general) as it truly is fun to read.
well well well. first day back at school. my first class so far has been french. here are the general course listings. 1105, 2105, then it goes higher, but those dont matter. i dont really speak french. i took a course this summer, was a total nerd (maybe i should use the present tense) and got the best score in the class. so, i decided that the 1105 was too basic (and yes, there is an 1106 offered next semester, but you know i go to a small school of only 29000 souls, so i can understand why they would not be offering any of the in-between courses).
it turns out i am not the smartest kid in my class. however, i am certainly not the worst (although as the herd thins this week, i wonder how far down i will sink as those others who only caught 70%- and yes that is a guess number- of what the teacher was saying will drop). but not me. i am in it for the semester i think. yes, it is going to be hard, but it is better than taking the wimpy course and being bored out of my mind. plus, this aint the first time i have been in a room where i dont really speak the language. all in all, it will be an enlightening, and humbling, experience.
as a matter of fact, that is one thing i like about school, first days in particular. you walk away humbled.
later tonight i am attending a class i may or may not end up taking. i will let you know how that one fares.
it turns out i am not the smartest kid in my class. however, i am certainly not the worst (although as the herd thins this week, i wonder how far down i will sink as those others who only caught 70%- and yes that is a guess number- of what the teacher was saying will drop). but not me. i am in it for the semester i think. yes, it is going to be hard, but it is better than taking the wimpy course and being bored out of my mind. plus, this aint the first time i have been in a room where i dont really speak the language. all in all, it will be an enlightening, and humbling, experience.
as a matter of fact, that is one thing i like about school, first days in particular. you walk away humbled.
later tonight i am attending a class i may or may not end up taking. i will let you know how that one fares.
17 August 2008
has it really been almost 3 years without me discovering the identity of peaches? well, i am either dumb or, well, i dont know. i do know that i have no clue who it is. peaches, any help? also, how can i call or email you if i dont know your number or addy? drop me either of those and i am on it. directly.
the four corners clearly does not refer to colorado, arizona, utah and new mexico junction (because i have never been there). any other hints?
the four corners clearly does not refer to colorado, arizona, utah and new mexico junction (because i have never been there). any other hints?
living the dream. alive and well down here in blacksburg. strange to be back in the states, stranger to back in the burg, but having a great time so far. here is something i wrote the other day.
blacksburg again. new apt, old road (broce drive). new job, same old job (sharkey's). new computer, new keypad (this will take some adjustment after learning and using a spanish version of the keyboard for the past three years). the differences make the experience unique, as they all are. looked over a few notes this morning and saw some notes from my first stint in grad school- thoreau and his philosophy on life: too much group think, too much movement (with the advent of trains and faster steam ships that made access to other parts of the globe if not mundane at least feasible for a larger part of the population), not enough communication with the natural. he moved to walden for myriad reasons, but one of the things he railed against was group think. information sources abounded, but what use were they? this concept has neither died nor diminished; if anything the exponential increase has caused mroe strife and needless movement while simultaneously increasing the gap between groups and the masses in general. no one will question the gain, but why does no one question the necessity of it? we have synthesized life as we have music and the written word. programs facilitate limitation.
unnecessary movement. i would be the first to disagree with his statements in that regard, but to what end? to justify my own meandering. sinuous path was simply a circle. the trail did not double back on itself, and the view did not erase a previous vision so much as provide complimentary perspectives. riding through campus on a bike yesterday showed me what i never saw on foot or en coche. la vista, no tan diferente, los edificios han cambiado pero no tanto que no puedo reconocer el paisaje. the skyline. the sun still sets over burrus in the early fall (depending upon where you stand). my williams hall has become the psychology department and the english dept. has moved to my freshman year dorm. how can that not be seen as a step back? the humanities have been pushed uphill to the ghetto (for those in the know) or to bumfuckegypt for those on the other side of campus. a proximity to the bk lounge (did i really work there for a month 12 years ago?) does not confer a status reflecting academic excellence. chale.
listening to big head todd and the monsters (did i really go see them at mixers 16 years ago?), and enjoying it, reminds me that some changes do not imply forgetting nor that what was left behind was unwanted or loved. i loved this town 8 years ago when i left it. on many levels it has improved, or perhaps grown would be a more correct term. what is the obsession with affirming that new is tantamount to improvement? group think. of course, when segments of the population do not embrace the new, we label them old, crochety, stubborn or, and perhaps the worst, weak. unable to adapt. adapt was a word i used to describe myself for every job i sought (how strange then that when i returned to blacksburg and applied for a job i filled out no applications, had no interview and was accepted for what andi wi who i am without a word). do i know how to adapt? or do i simply write to rail against what i have lost? my new phone annoys me. i am paying more than i want for an apt far from my ideal. i have given up a steady source of income that sustains me. i have seen too many episodes of poirot and now i will have to find another to replace it.
but the title track of this disc- bittersweet- seems to fit so well. guitar, bass and drum. strong lead vocals. the rhythm, like the voice, so familiar. "are we everything we wanted?" if we are not, then how realistic were the desires? "a bittersweet surrender." at what point do we all give up and accept who, what and where we are? cynical. unfair. pessimistic. fuck it.
strange that we stopped quoting famous poets and plays and other literary works in favor of modern, pop poetry- music. are we uncultured? impossible since this is now our culture. are we in a state of decline in this country? if so, does anyone care enough to retrard the slide? unlikely on both accounts. movement on a plane has a clear rising and falling action, but in four dimensions (i wont even get into string theory with its proposed minimum of 7 to 11 dimensions), there is only movement. we are neither above or below another time, simply we are not in the same space as before. an orbit seems to imply that we are returning, once a year, to a previous point yet this description has neither spatial nor temporal validity. but the cyclical, or eliptical, orbit implies a sort of return. regression. i am always fascinated at the problem of language. each word holds too many meanings. too many implications, value judgements. vocal communication creates as many problems as non-verbal signs. if only foucoult and derrida we easier to understand, right? their work on signs and play might elucidate some sort of truth for all of us instead of those who spend their time in a world unlike the others (parallel dimensions?). i have lived 80% of my life in an academic environment. i have no desire to leave it.
patience. i wrote, and to large extent believed, that i had become more patient. it is a lie. my frustration with those things beyond my control has not decreased due to my time down south. if anything, i may have lost the patience i once had. an ongoing project then.
my apt has one window and three doors leading out. my time is divided into looking there though the scenery is unchanged. movement has been checked.
"are we everything we wanted?"
blacksburg again. new apt, old road (broce drive). new job, same old job (sharkey's). new computer, new keypad (this will take some adjustment after learning and using a spanish version of the keyboard for the past three years). the differences make the experience unique, as they all are. looked over a few notes this morning and saw some notes from my first stint in grad school- thoreau and his philosophy on life: too much group think, too much movement (with the advent of trains and faster steam ships that made access to other parts of the globe if not mundane at least feasible for a larger part of the population), not enough communication with the natural. he moved to walden for myriad reasons, but one of the things he railed against was group think. information sources abounded, but what use were they? this concept has neither died nor diminished; if anything the exponential increase has caused mroe strife and needless movement while simultaneously increasing the gap between groups and the masses in general. no one will question the gain, but why does no one question the necessity of it? we have synthesized life as we have music and the written word. programs facilitate limitation.
unnecessary movement. i would be the first to disagree with his statements in that regard, but to what end? to justify my own meandering. sinuous path was simply a circle. the trail did not double back on itself, and the view did not erase a previous vision so much as provide complimentary perspectives. riding through campus on a bike yesterday showed me what i never saw on foot or en coche. la vista, no tan diferente, los edificios han cambiado pero no tanto que no puedo reconocer el paisaje. the skyline. the sun still sets over burrus in the early fall (depending upon where you stand). my williams hall has become the psychology department and the english dept. has moved to my freshman year dorm. how can that not be seen as a step back? the humanities have been pushed uphill to the ghetto (for those in the know) or to bumfuckegypt for those on the other side of campus. a proximity to the bk lounge (did i really work there for a month 12 years ago?) does not confer a status reflecting academic excellence. chale.
listening to big head todd and the monsters (did i really go see them at mixers 16 years ago?), and enjoying it, reminds me that some changes do not imply forgetting nor that what was left behind was unwanted or loved. i loved this town 8 years ago when i left it. on many levels it has improved, or perhaps grown would be a more correct term. what is the obsession with affirming that new is tantamount to improvement? group think. of course, when segments of the population do not embrace the new, we label them old, crochety, stubborn or, and perhaps the worst, weak. unable to adapt. adapt was a word i used to describe myself for every job i sought (how strange then that when i returned to blacksburg and applied for a job i filled out no applications, had no interview and was accepted for what andi wi who i am without a word). do i know how to adapt? or do i simply write to rail against what i have lost? my new phone annoys me. i am paying more than i want for an apt far from my ideal. i have given up a steady source of income that sustains me. i have seen too many episodes of poirot and now i will have to find another to replace it.
but the title track of this disc- bittersweet- seems to fit so well. guitar, bass and drum. strong lead vocals. the rhythm, like the voice, so familiar. "are we everything we wanted?" if we are not, then how realistic were the desires? "a bittersweet surrender." at what point do we all give up and accept who, what and where we are? cynical. unfair. pessimistic. fuck it.
strange that we stopped quoting famous poets and plays and other literary works in favor of modern, pop poetry- music. are we uncultured? impossible since this is now our culture. are we in a state of decline in this country? if so, does anyone care enough to retrard the slide? unlikely on both accounts. movement on a plane has a clear rising and falling action, but in four dimensions (i wont even get into string theory with its proposed minimum of 7 to 11 dimensions), there is only movement. we are neither above or below another time, simply we are not in the same space as before. an orbit seems to imply that we are returning, once a year, to a previous point yet this description has neither spatial nor temporal validity. but the cyclical, or eliptical, orbit implies a sort of return. regression. i am always fascinated at the problem of language. each word holds too many meanings. too many implications, value judgements. vocal communication creates as many problems as non-verbal signs. if only foucoult and derrida we easier to understand, right? their work on signs and play might elucidate some sort of truth for all of us instead of those who spend their time in a world unlike the others (parallel dimensions?). i have lived 80% of my life in an academic environment. i have no desire to leave it.
patience. i wrote, and to large extent believed, that i had become more patient. it is a lie. my frustration with those things beyond my control has not decreased due to my time down south. if anything, i may have lost the patience i once had. an ongoing project then.
my apt has one window and three doors leading out. my time is divided into looking there though the scenery is unchanged. movement has been checked.
"are we everything we wanted?"
24 July 2008
i was bummed the other day to see that i was listed as an out of state resident for virginia tech. so, i consulted my sis and with her advice i wrote to the school, they re-evaluated the application and, believe it or not, granted me in-state tuition. i have to admit i was definitely sad at having to pay around 16-17000 bucks over the first year and possibly the second. at least this way the tuition is about cut in half. relief.
Having to choose what is left behind creates many more challenges than what to take. I see that superficially this is a semantic game. Each idea could mean the same thing. Both situations require something to be left, but there is a subtler force at work. When deciding what to take, you look for essentials. This clearly depends on the trip and of course the person. Vacations may seem simple and clear, but what happens when you are like many of the people I have known over the past few years who are on extended stays. My friends mike and sam, who I hung out with and spent Christmas day with on the side of an active volcano, were on a vacation, but theirs was a 12 month stint. Round the world ticket, 12 months to use it. True, they spent about 6 months in Australia, but when we met them, in month 11 of 12, they were down to one backpack each. Not some giant pack people hiking the Appalachian trail use, but a book bag size pack. True they were each jammed, but damn. If you have ever taken a two week vacation (or longer), you know that when you get back things are a bit different and you are usually somewhat content to be home. Now picture that feeling on a scale immensely larger. Where is your home? Do you have any of the same clothes you started out with? Chances are the only constants are your camera (maybe) and pack.
For mike and sam, they had nothing original when they made that final flight back to England. I know bc I saw them the night before they left mexico- they and karla and I went to dinner. It was strange when karla and I descended the tunnel into the metro station and they were going to walk a bit and then head back to the hotel. When you take leave of someone in a public space, it is quite different from leaving someone in an apt or house and taking a cab from there (or getting in your car and driving away never to see them again). When was the last time you knew you were seeing someone for the last time? Coworkers (students) come and go. But chances are for most of you your friends are your friends. You know them and even if they move away, you will see them again. I have made a kind of profession of having to say goodbye to people I will never see again. College is crap, so I will throw that out. San fran, I lost a lot. Yes, I hope to see many of them again, like hulia, kristanovich, some of the boys from the mill, but in general, the vast majority are gone. Three years after grad school and where do I stand. My last email to anyone in or around flagstaff was almost two years ago. Cuban b, jam, j-rod, a few others I hope to see again, but most I will never cross paths with again. Undoubtedly I am not alone in this, and most of the people reading this have an idea what I am describing, but imagine giving up your best friends, on average, every two years. Why would you do that?
Which brings me back to the original question. What do you leave behind? How many memories, weekends, trips, promises, will you simply not pack with you? If you could perhaps you would include them all, but realistically, you know damn well you cannot. Who do you cut? Why? How do you justify it to yourself, or do you simply let them fade away and hope you either gave them the wrong email address or simply never will write you. Is there any way to make yourself stop feeling like a bastard? And girlfriends or boyfriends that get left behind? Shit. I must say though that it seems to be easier being the one leaving than the one staying. All those little reminders that stay in a place long after you leave it: restaurants, common friends, even simple things like streets you used to travel to get their house, signs or commercials you used to laugh at. They don’t change. So you have to. Or become, I imagine, incredibly thick skinned. Either way, it sounds fucking horrible.
Books and clothes are the first on my cut list. Some of the clothes I came down here with I simply wore out. Washing by hand every week took its toll on shits, underwear, socks, and even pants. The seems just give out eventually from overuse. This is why normal people have a clothes rotation greater than two pairs of pants, seven shirts, seven pair of socks and underwear, etc. but then when you get beyond that number, how do you carry it around with you when you leave? Without a car, what do you do? If you cannot carry it for a minimum of 200 yards, then you are fucked my friend. Start junking shit. Clock radio you bought six months before? Gone. A book you bought, thought you might read, never did, and weighs half a pound? Out (times 10). You literally will get to the point of: okay, I know I will need deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo and soap where I am going, but do I have take with me what I have or can I just wait and buy it when I get there (will that make my first stop a drugstore or will I simply smell for a day or so)? You start to spend long amounts of time simple staring at your belongings, cataloguing. Those three shirts- Sergio, raul, or chucho. Those pants, Emilio. The sports coat clark gave you- return it.
It says a lot about you what you are willing to shed. How important is a book to you? If you are like, you just do not even buy things for yourself anymore. I will see about 10 people over the next few months that I have not seen in quite a while and I would like to bring them all gifts, but how? I have already bought another suitcase and will now have three checked and one carry on- over the limit and probably 50 bucks in fees (damn the new airline regulations), but what else can I do? Give away gifts I bought, in some cases, 8 months ago? So you start to weigh the worth of your belongings. What value does it have? Not only that, but what value will it have in 2 years when you may pick up and do it all over again?
Ultimately, you look around your apartment and realize that maybe 15% of what you see will be with you in two weeks (if you are me you do anyway). How do you justify what gets tossed? Little things like a mug I took from sanbornes restaurant holds as much value to me as a postcard I bought in Guanajuato, but only one of them will be making the voyage to Virginia. how many times have I already done this in other places? I have had 21 roommates over the last 15 years. And, two years ago, I had still had 21. that is a lot of damn people. The last time I wrote or heard from a single one of them not named jimza? Well over a year and a half. The last time I heard from one before that? Three years or more.
How do you keep count of these things? When you add it all up and settle the account, what do you do with the paper? I guess if it comes down to carrying it or shredding, then pass the matches.
For mike and sam, they had nothing original when they made that final flight back to England. I know bc I saw them the night before they left mexico- they and karla and I went to dinner. It was strange when karla and I descended the tunnel into the metro station and they were going to walk a bit and then head back to the hotel. When you take leave of someone in a public space, it is quite different from leaving someone in an apt or house and taking a cab from there (or getting in your car and driving away never to see them again). When was the last time you knew you were seeing someone for the last time? Coworkers (students) come and go. But chances are for most of you your friends are your friends. You know them and even if they move away, you will see them again. I have made a kind of profession of having to say goodbye to people I will never see again. College is crap, so I will throw that out. San fran, I lost a lot. Yes, I hope to see many of them again, like hulia, kristanovich, some of the boys from the mill, but in general, the vast majority are gone. Three years after grad school and where do I stand. My last email to anyone in or around flagstaff was almost two years ago. Cuban b, jam, j-rod, a few others I hope to see again, but most I will never cross paths with again. Undoubtedly I am not alone in this, and most of the people reading this have an idea what I am describing, but imagine giving up your best friends, on average, every two years. Why would you do that?
Which brings me back to the original question. What do you leave behind? How many memories, weekends, trips, promises, will you simply not pack with you? If you could perhaps you would include them all, but realistically, you know damn well you cannot. Who do you cut? Why? How do you justify it to yourself, or do you simply let them fade away and hope you either gave them the wrong email address or simply never will write you. Is there any way to make yourself stop feeling like a bastard? And girlfriends or boyfriends that get left behind? Shit. I must say though that it seems to be easier being the one leaving than the one staying. All those little reminders that stay in a place long after you leave it: restaurants, common friends, even simple things like streets you used to travel to get their house, signs or commercials you used to laugh at. They don’t change. So you have to. Or become, I imagine, incredibly thick skinned. Either way, it sounds fucking horrible.
Books and clothes are the first on my cut list. Some of the clothes I came down here with I simply wore out. Washing by hand every week took its toll on shits, underwear, socks, and even pants. The seems just give out eventually from overuse. This is why normal people have a clothes rotation greater than two pairs of pants, seven shirts, seven pair of socks and underwear, etc. but then when you get beyond that number, how do you carry it around with you when you leave? Without a car, what do you do? If you cannot carry it for a minimum of 200 yards, then you are fucked my friend. Start junking shit. Clock radio you bought six months before? Gone. A book you bought, thought you might read, never did, and weighs half a pound? Out (times 10). You literally will get to the point of: okay, I know I will need deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo and soap where I am going, but do I have take with me what I have or can I just wait and buy it when I get there (will that make my first stop a drugstore or will I simply smell for a day or so)? You start to spend long amounts of time simple staring at your belongings, cataloguing. Those three shirts- Sergio, raul, or chucho. Those pants, Emilio. The sports coat clark gave you- return it.
It says a lot about you what you are willing to shed. How important is a book to you? If you are like, you just do not even buy things for yourself anymore. I will see about 10 people over the next few months that I have not seen in quite a while and I would like to bring them all gifts, but how? I have already bought another suitcase and will now have three checked and one carry on- over the limit and probably 50 bucks in fees (damn the new airline regulations), but what else can I do? Give away gifts I bought, in some cases, 8 months ago? So you start to weigh the worth of your belongings. What value does it have? Not only that, but what value will it have in 2 years when you may pick up and do it all over again?
Ultimately, you look around your apartment and realize that maybe 15% of what you see will be with you in two weeks (if you are me you do anyway). How do you justify what gets tossed? Little things like a mug I took from sanbornes restaurant holds as much value to me as a postcard I bought in Guanajuato, but only one of them will be making the voyage to Virginia. how many times have I already done this in other places? I have had 21 roommates over the last 15 years. And, two years ago, I had still had 21. that is a lot of damn people. The last time I wrote or heard from a single one of them not named jimza? Well over a year and a half. The last time I heard from one before that? Three years or more.
How do you keep count of these things? When you add it all up and settle the account, what do you do with the paper? I guess if it comes down to carrying it or shredding, then pass the matches.
back from vacation. great trip actually. i went to taxco (biggest silver mines in the americas), then zihuatanejo (beach), then uruapan (colonial town in the mountains) and morelia. lot of fun, and i visited another (inactive) volcano and saw a destroyed town. the volcano exploded about 60 years ago, burying the entire town in lava (the people got out). crazy thing is that in the middle of the lava sea is a church. 16th century cathedral survived (in part). it is wild to see miles of lava and then sticking out of the middle is 16th century architecture. i will try to get some picks up soon.
on another note, i wrote a few journal type entries which i will now add. might interest you, might not.
on another note, i wrote a few journal type entries which i will now add. might interest you, might not.
Have you ever given up on something you felt would have made the biggest difference in your life? Have you ever begun something and then pulled out without the finality you thought you would find? Did it burn? Or, did you simply accept it and see the new challenge involved in the unexpected change?
Leaving a country is not like leaving a town or a state. I know this sounds pedantic, and I apologize, but reflection is key. You buy a new car or a house, and undoubtedly you start to examine what led to that event. What changed in you to make this a necessity (we must careful when we confuse wants and needs)? Or was it spur of the moment? I know the latter quite well, but I think I am in denial about the former.
Quitting a country is like nothing I can easily compare. Your friends are different. Sure, most speak another language, but their world view is one you cannot truly comprehend. Empathize is what people tell you when confronted with a new world, whether it be a new economic circle or simply a new town. Has it worked for you? I find it a lie. You cannot truly put yourself in their shoes (my sister who is a psychologist might agree with me), so all you can do is attempt to understand. But you will fail. Sad but true. By definition, it is not your world you are relating to, so what within you makes it possible? Compassion is a common response. I have learned a thing or two about displacement and fitting in; hell, we all have. But there comes a time when you say, this ain’t my scene and it never will be. If it is a party, you walk the fuck out. If it is a place that does not quite fit, you accept it and leave. But what if you try to adapt? What if you try, succeed to an extent, then leave? Do you feel a sense of self-betrayal? Or do you ignore that feeling and concentrate on the future unknown? I would argue that even if you are going back to a place you know, that place is unknown, un lugar desconocido. You have a memory of it, but that is not present reality. You thought, but that thought is now outdated. You might end up right back where you started.
I know the
So why did y’all stay? Why did none of you decide to quit the us and go somewhere else to ride out the storm? Did you see the storm as the eye of Jupiter? Yes, it has lasted for over 60 years, but did they tell you it is now clearing up? We have called it Cyclops for so long we might not recognize it if we were transported to the future in a hundred years and heard others discussing it. Is the us the same way. Empires are destined to fall is cliché. Clichés are accidents at first however. They spell out what we all know too well and are therefore easily dismissed as pedestrian. The Japanese effectively concurred the Chinese. Would we have seen the revival of china so easily? The Arabic and jewish nations have long heralded the coming of a new world order (no slight to george bush senior in my stealing of his phrase). Do you believe in it? Which?
Those famous ex-pats are all dead. And I am returning home. How long will home offer me the sustenance I apparently am after? Friendships span border lines; that y’all have shown me. I can reciprocate, but will that be enough to bridge the gaps we now find? What borders have been crossed that cannot be retread?
08 July 2008
although i have not heard back from scotland, i wanted to do more checking on costs, and found some very bad news.
it appears that with tuition and fees, plus living, i would be running around 34000 bucks a year. that is a conservative estimate. it seems all that time i have spent thinking about it was not worth it. no way in hell i can afford that. i could not afford it for one year, much less two. oh well. looks like i will be virginia bound for the next two years. i am not disappointed so much as sad that the dollar is so weak compared to the pound. the good news is that funding for phd's is much better- more grants and such.
i guess i'm coming home.
it appears that with tuition and fees, plus living, i would be running around 34000 bucks a year. that is a conservative estimate. it seems all that time i have spent thinking about it was not worth it. no way in hell i can afford that. i could not afford it for one year, much less two. oh well. looks like i will be virginia bound for the next two years. i am not disappointed so much as sad that the dollar is so weak compared to the pound. the good news is that funding for phd's is much better- more grants and such.
i guess i'm coming home.
still no word from scotland.
what would you do in my place if you were to get in? would you spend more money to go to the uk or stay in va for two years, get a master's and then go somewhere else, possibly scotland, for a phd? i am still up in the air. i want to go to scotland but money is a factor. i could just say screw it, go deep in debt and attend a school with an amazing reputation worldwide and one of the best schools in the field i want to study. if i go, there is the strong likelihood that i would stay and do a phd (in fact, if i did not stay in scotland, i would probably look for another phd program in europe). of course, once there, there is also the strong chance of me winning scholarships for the coming years.
in the end, five-six years down the road, i can definitely see myself teaching in europe somewhere. there are a few scandanavian schools that offer one year exchanges with schools in europe and from there i could get a foothold and scout a teaching position. or, i could stay in scotland or england. or, i could go to holland (there are a few schools there as well). the benefit of europe is their focus (generally) on theoritical issues, while the us school of thought is more pragmatic. i really dig theory, but maybe having a few years of the american school and then going to europe could also be good. i see advantages to both decisions. of course, deep down, i would love to go to edinburgh as it is such an incredible school and offers me the chance to keep moving (forward). also, the access to europe i would have is also a huge factor.
i have had enough of central america; i am ready (finally) to see europe. i remember five or six years ago having conversations with my sisters, and probably others, about why i did not want to go to europe. my reasons were that i did not have the money for europe (still dont), and that i may as well go to central and south america while i still dont mind sleeping on floors and living in dilapidated environs. what has changed? well, i prefer floors to bug infested beds (damn nicaragua). but, after seeing all of central america (ostensibly), i think i want to see what europe has to offer. as just about everyone and their mama has already seen europe, i wont expound upon things i dont know. simply, i want to go. plus, now that i have started learning french, i realize that, for better or worse, my mind is right to acquire new languages when it was not 15 years ago. thus, it would behoove me to take advantage of this time and go learn by exploring and talking with native speakers. that can, of course, be accomplished in blacksburg va. not saying it cannot. however, it would ideal to practice for a year, then actually go to france on a train.
anyway. rambling thoughts on a dreary, rainy and cold morning here in the valley of kings. 8500ft in altitude, sight of an ancient lake, ringed by 13-18,000 foot mountains and volcanoes, and home to the largest city in the world (i still think it is) at over 25 million people. can you believe a country boy from virginia who grew up on a farm is living here? neither can anyone else.
what would you do in my place if you were to get in? would you spend more money to go to the uk or stay in va for two years, get a master's and then go somewhere else, possibly scotland, for a phd? i am still up in the air. i want to go to scotland but money is a factor. i could just say screw it, go deep in debt and attend a school with an amazing reputation worldwide and one of the best schools in the field i want to study. if i go, there is the strong likelihood that i would stay and do a phd (in fact, if i did not stay in scotland, i would probably look for another phd program in europe). of course, once there, there is also the strong chance of me winning scholarships for the coming years.
in the end, five-six years down the road, i can definitely see myself teaching in europe somewhere. there are a few scandanavian schools that offer one year exchanges with schools in europe and from there i could get a foothold and scout a teaching position. or, i could stay in scotland or england. or, i could go to holland (there are a few schools there as well). the benefit of europe is their focus (generally) on theoritical issues, while the us school of thought is more pragmatic. i really dig theory, but maybe having a few years of the american school and then going to europe could also be good. i see advantages to both decisions. of course, deep down, i would love to go to edinburgh as it is such an incredible school and offers me the chance to keep moving (forward). also, the access to europe i would have is also a huge factor.
i have had enough of central america; i am ready (finally) to see europe. i remember five or six years ago having conversations with my sisters, and probably others, about why i did not want to go to europe. my reasons were that i did not have the money for europe (still dont), and that i may as well go to central and south america while i still dont mind sleeping on floors and living in dilapidated environs. what has changed? well, i prefer floors to bug infested beds (damn nicaragua). but, after seeing all of central america (ostensibly), i think i want to see what europe has to offer. as just about everyone and their mama has already seen europe, i wont expound upon things i dont know. simply, i want to go. plus, now that i have started learning french, i realize that, for better or worse, my mind is right to acquire new languages when it was not 15 years ago. thus, it would behoove me to take advantage of this time and go learn by exploring and talking with native speakers. that can, of course, be accomplished in blacksburg va. not saying it cannot. however, it would ideal to practice for a year, then actually go to france on a train.
anyway. rambling thoughts on a dreary, rainy and cold morning here in the valley of kings. 8500ft in altitude, sight of an ancient lake, ringed by 13-18,000 foot mountains and volcanoes, and home to the largest city in the world (i still think it is) at over 25 million people. can you believe a country boy from virginia who grew up on a farm is living here? neither can anyone else.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)